Rizzles - a 100 short ones :)
by Smilis
Summary: So, read BensonandStabler's views on trying to post a short one every day until Rizzoli & Isles starts back again and thought I'd give it a try. Maybe it'll help me write down the next chapters in my other fic. So, let's see what I can come it with from now till then :)
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Rizzles – a 100 short ones :)

**Author:** Smilis

**Disclaimer:** No infringement intended. I own nothing I'm just borrowing the characters for my own amusement. These stories may depict two women in a sexual context and if that's not your cup of tea feel free to not read.

**Summary:** At the end of the game, decisions still needs to be made no matter how hard it may seem.

**Rating: **M (Since I like writing about sex it's bound to come up in some chapters…)

**Feedback:** Please review

**AN:** So, read BensonandStabler's views on trying to post a short one every day until Rizzoli & Isles starts back again and thought I'd give it a try. (Or maybe every other day since sometime I work the night shift.)Maybe it'll help me write down the next couple chapters in my other fic. So, let's see what I can come up with from now till then :)

Btw, this will probably be a bit offendish towards Jane but if you read it through you might find the reason for it valid.

Oh, and English - not my first language so please excuse the mistakes I'm bound to make.

* * *

**Chapter 1 – Choices**

"Maura"

Jane sat next to the counter nursing her third beer as she watched Maura cook some sort of fish. Apparently it was fish day, something Maura had neglected to tell her, and she wished, not for the first time, that she had brought pizza when she came over.

"Did I make the right choice?"

She briefly glanced over to Maura to try and get a glimpse of her eyes, trying to read what she thought but Maura continued to grate some carrots, studiously avoiding her gaze. She sighed as she finished the bottle and opened yet a new beer.

"I mean, he is charming. Everybody likes him. What's not to like about him? He's served his country repeatedly. It's time to settle down. And, and he got injured but made it through."

She took another sip and toyed with the bottle as she checked to see that Maura was actually listening to her. She watched Maura handle the fillet with care, such dexterous hands, and wondered what more those hands could do.

"Ma loves him. And think of our kids, they'd charm everybody. He's gonna be a stay-in dad then. I can't take off from work for too long. But he could. He'd be safe, no more touring. And ma really loves him. He's a husband already. Cleaning, cooking, doing the laundry."

She couldn't control her laugh and the beer sprouted from her mouth.

"A real housewife. Never thought I'd get one of those."

* * *

Dinner was almost done. They usually ate at the counter but Maura had already prepared the table for herself since Jane wasn't supposed to come over so Jane jumped off her stool and sat another plate opposite of Maura's. When she finished she made a beeline to collect her beer.

"He's everything I could possible want, my high school sweetheart, you know. How many can have that?" she continued as she grabbed yet another beer. Just in case she finished the one she had.

"No beer, Jane"

Maura rolled her eyes. She had been keeping an eye on the empty bottles and while mixing beer and wine was not ideal she was not going to have Jane throw away a perfect cooked fish with beer.

"You can't have beer with fish. It's fish Jane and you need a chilled bottle of white wine. Please."

"Okaay" Jane dragged her words out. She always drank beer.

"As long as I can drink my beer later."

"Yes Jane", Maura answered like she was talking to a child, "you can have the rest of the beer after dinner."

As she put the rest of the food on the table she watched Jane stumble a bit before finally sitting down. She rarely saw Jane this out of it, she could usually hold her liquor. _I wonder how much she had to drink prior to coming here._ She _was_ going to enjoy a quiet night alone with fish and a good wine for dinner before watching a sappy old romantic movie. Contrary to popular belief she appreciated a romantic movie every now and then. But somehow her plans changed and when Jane came over it was always for the better. Well, almost always.

"So, Maura, Casey? He's like everything anyone could ever want, right? He's the right choice. Him and me?," she hiccupped. "I mean him and I." she hiccupped again. "I mean we, us, the two of us. We're it, right?" She quieted down before she whispered, "It's the easiest way." hoping Maura wouldn't hear it.

She eyed the fish as she stabbed at it with her fork. _Who ate fish?_

"Are you sure you can eat this? It's looking at me, with its sad eyes begging me not to eat it."

She turned the fillet on the side making it look like it was swimming and put her head on the table looking up to Maura.

"Don't eat me, don't eat me. A burger is nice and with no eyes." She laughed again as she finished her beer. _This was funny._

"It's olives, Jane, not eyes. And your burger has eyes too." Maura poured herself a glass of wine but refined from giving Jane any, obviously she had had enough already.

"Sit up and eat. It won't hurt you to get something nourishing from time to time."

"What about Casey, Maura?" she whispered afraid of the answer. "Did I make the right decision?"

Maura watched Jane carefully. She had heard Jane swoon over Casey for months, then curse him when he pulled away and then swoon again.

"Do you love him Jane?"

The question was simply and yet Jane had trouble understanding it.

"What? Of course I love him. He's my high school sweetheart."

"No Jane, are you in love with him? Is he the love of your life? Does your heart flutter against your rib carriage? Do you lie awake at night thinking about him? Do you go out of your way to please him just to see him happy? Jane, do you love him?"

* * *

As the game was finishing up Jane was almost totally out of it. Maura had tried to stop Jane from anymore beers but Jane had insisted. "_Just one more. I need to relax_."

"Come on Jane, it's time for bed, you need to sleep it off."

She half dragged half carried Jane up the stairs towards her bedroom. When she was within reach she lowered her to the bed and began undressing her using the same technique she was used to in her morgue and soon she had Jane undressed and somewhat under the covers. She quickly stepped into the shower ridding her from all the high strung emotions of the evening before she redressed and entered her bedroom were Jane was snoring lightly. As she lay down she heard Jane turn around to face her.

"I'm drunk, right Maura?" Jane smiled when she said it.

"Yes, Jane, you are very drunk. Go to sleep."

"If I'm drunk, I can plead amnesia in the morning?" She swayed as she tried to sit up. She crossed her legs and put her hands on her knees lowering her head.

"Right Maura? I can say I don't remember anything and go back to the way it was."

She shifted a bit trying to make herself more comfortable,

"All I want is to make ma happy."

Maura could see, even in the dark that Jane was shivering and she sat up to hug her.

"No, please, Maura" Jane began as she quickly cast a glance in Maura's direction before she hid her face, crying, in her hands and started again.

"All I want is to make ma happy. But I've always known. Always known Maura." She took a deep breath before turning and facing her best friend.

"I'm gay."

* * *

**AN:** So, what did you think about this first bit of the story?

So, what did you think?


	2. Talk? What talk?

**Title:** Rizzles – a 100 short ones :)

**Author:** Smilis

**Disclaimer:** No infringement intended. I own nothing I'm just borrowing the characters for my own amusement. These stories may depict two women in a sexual context and if that's not your cup of tea feel free to not read.

**Summary: **At the end of the game, decisions still needs to be made no matter how hard it may seem.

**Rating: **M

**Feedback:** Thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate the fact that you take the time to write a sentence or two about this fic.

* * *

**Chapter 2 - Talk? What talk?**

Maura lay awake long after she had got Jane back to sleep thinking about her admission. On some level she had suspected that Jane wasn't entirely truthful about her love affairs but to think that a grown woman neglected to be true to herself because she wanted to please her mother was foreign to her. Of course she always saw to it that her mother was pleased whenever she visited, but that wasn't the same, she saw her mother two, three times a year, whenever she had time for a visit, so it wasn't really a sacrifice on her part. But Jane, she saw her mother daily and Angela was always coming down on her about marriage and children. _You're not getting any younger Jane. I want grandkids before I'm dead._ She loved Angela, she really did but sometimes she was a bit overbearing and liked telling her children what to do.

As the sun started to rise she climbed off the bed, careful not to wake Jane, and stepped into her shower thinking about how she could help. Was she really going to play the amnesia card? She didn't really think so, if Jane hadn't wanted to, well in essence _come out_, she would have kept quiet, even when drunk. But why had Jane kept quiet all these years? She had to have known that Maura herself had dangled into the _Sapphic world_. She was the first to say that sexuality was fluid so why hadn't Jane talked to her. Was she that scared?

As she rinsed her hair and finished her shower a frightening thought grabbed her. Would Jane really sacrifice her entire life just to please her mother?

* * *

Jane slowly opened her eyes but immediately closed then again, the sun light feeling like tiny daggers trying to pry her brain out. _What the hell did I drink last night?_ She swayed a bit as she sat up trying to get her baring before she glanced over at her night stand where a glass of water and two suspicious looking pills were laying alongside a brief note.

_I'm sure you're feeling a bit hung over right now. Take the pills, the full glass of water and try to shower before coming down for breakfast. Your Maura._

She swallowed the pills and then emptied the water before stumbling towards the bathroom, a towel and some clothes were already on the hanger waiting for her. She undressed what little she had on before entering the shower. _What happened last night? I came over, we had dinner and talked about Cas… Oh shit, dinner._ She suddenly remembered her fish and how she played with it. _Oh God, what did I do?_ As the water cascaded down on her skin her thought became clearer and clearer and she remembered every word she said until suddenly she drew a blank. The game was finished and they were heading to bed then blank.

She dried herself quickly before she looked at herself in the bathroom mirror, really looked at herself. She was rather pleased with her body; maybe her breasts could be a bit fuller but her slender figure and long legs more than made up for that. She continued to stare at herself while she brushed her teeth needing to get that foul taste out. Casey wasn't really a foreplay-kinda-man, sure he fondled her a bit but he never really took the time to feel her and play with her. Maybe that had something to do with him always being in a hurry but she missed it. Her nipples pebbled as she continued to stare at them, she wasn't turned on, not really, she just wished that the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with showed her that he loved her body.

She finished brushing her teeth and rinsed a couple of times before looking up to see that she was presentable when it suddenly dawned on her; _I told Maura I was gay._

* * *

"Jane, just in time for breakfast, a greasy non-nourishing breakfast", she looked away as she finished, "which I'm sure you'll like."

"Oh, Maura", she stared at the room, "you cleaned."

She remembered the many bottles that she had drank and hadn't put away.

"I'm so so sorry for yesterday. I like fish. I really do, I was just not myself," she smiled at Maura before she finished, "clearly."

Maura didn't really know how to answer so instead she sat down and began pouring coffee in two cups.

"Or maybe you were? Jane, I don't really…"

"No, let's eat."

Jane pushed forward and gingerly sat down opposite Maura and began shoveling food into her mouth. She was embarrassed and didn't know what to say.

"It's okay if…" she tried again, "if you ask I'll answer, maybe, I just can't talk, like telling, you know. But if you ask then I'll answer. Okay?" She gazed at Maura.

"I'm okay, you know I'm not messed up or depressed. I'm good, fine really. I shouldn't have said anything, really. I'm all good."

"Are you really going to marry Casey?" She bit her lip. That was not what she was going to say, absolutely not, but her mouth didn't seem to agree with her.

"You can't marry him if you don't love him… Which you don't. It's not fair to you. You can't spend the rest of your life with him only to be miserable. And, and, it's not fair to him. Statistically speaking you'll get a divorce within a year. Do you really want that?"

Jane stared down at her plate.

"I don't know. No, not really."

"Talk to me Jane," Maura sighed, "please. Why didn't you tell me?"

Jane took a mouthful of bacon and a sip of coffee pondering the question. _Why hadn't she told Maura?_

"I don't know. It's just; I've hidden this for so long that I didn't consciously decide not to tell you. It has never come up and there has been no need. Casey's always been away so I didn't really have an active relationship with him. And, I've never been that clingy or sexual active so I didn't feel the need to talk to anybody about it. Casey's proposal", she couldn't help a mirthful laugh, "ultimatum really, put everything out there. Of course he told ma he'd asked me. She is ecstatic, not really believing I might say no."

Maura could believe that. Angela probably wouldn't even consider that Jane might not want to marry.

"Are you going to?"

"No." She watched Maura almost drop the cup. "I mean I don't think so. I'm over thirty now, time to settle down. I could do worse."

"You told me you're gay, Jane. Gay. You cannot marry Casey."

Jane stood up and paced.

"It's not that easy to just declare. I'm not out and proud. No one, no one knows. I don't want to be that stereotype that chose law enforcement because she was a dyke. You've never been drawn to another woman, never felt that shame of not being normal, never grown up in a somewhat religious home. You don't know."

Maura stood up as well making her way towards Jane.

"Of course I've been drawn to females. I've told you. I fall in love with a person not a sex. And Jane, stereotype, really? Would you really allow all those Crowes out there to get you? Are you going to hide because you are afraid of how you're perceived? And Angela? She's a lot more modern then you give her credit for."

Mauro drank the last of her coffee before she finished off.

"It's the twenty-first century. Who cares about sexual orientation, Jane?"

Jane watched Maura watch her. _Was it really that simple?_

"I guess that's why I didn't feel a relief when I told you. People always say that once you admit it you feel lighter. I feel the same, not really different from yesterday."

"You wouldn't have told me if you didn't want to come out Jane. No matter how much you've had to drink. The question is, what do you want to do with it now?"


	3. A mother knows best

**Title:** Rizzles – a 100 short ones :)

**Author:** Smilis

**Disclaimer:** No infringement intended. I own nothing I'm just borrowing the characters for my own amusement. These stories may depict two women in a sexual context and if that's not your cup of tea feel free to not read.

**Summary:** At the end of the game, decisions still needs to be made no matter how hard it may seem.

**Rating: **M

**Pairing:** It's going to be Rizzles (obviously) but it may take some time to actually get there. Keep in mind that Jane's only just told one person and Maura isn't there yet and the fact that the chapters are short.

**AN: **I'm thinking these short stories might make up a full story later down the road which may (definitely) need some tweaking and a bit more detail to it. It's kind of fun to challenge oneself to actually write every day. I already know though that there won't be any updates tomorrow, Friday, Saturday and next Wednesday due to a business trip and a funeral but if I have the time later on I'll try to "fix" that with a couple of updates in one go.

Also, thanks for the shout out, BensonandStabler! And thanks heaps for the lovely reviews.

* * *

**Chapter 3 – A mother knows best**

Angela was dancing. Her oldest was finally going to get married, give her grandchildren, settle down and just live a decent ordinary life. When the kids came she'd have to get a desk job, she couldn't be risking herself catching bad guys when she had kids. Jane would be safe, no more shooting accidents or murderers trying to kill her. She would finally be able to breathe a bit easier. Casey had said she hadn't said yes any but that was just a matter of time. Of course she would accept. There was no other choice.

She hoped to get a yes out of Jane during family dinner this evening, Casey hadn't really been home long enough to ever be over at one but yesterday when he'd told her about his proposal she had invited him, telling him he might want to ask her again during dinner. He'd been a bit reluctant to do so but promised to think about it.

She had it all planned. She'd cook the most amazing dinner, they'd drink some wine Maura had in store and in just the right moment Casey would ask, Jane would accept and then they'd toast.

She dressed and decided to head over to Maura's to check what needed to be bought for this special occasion and get the keys to the Prius. Maura was always willing to let her lend the car whenever she wanted and especially when shopping for family dinner. Sometimes they even went together and spent the whole day discussing and preparing dinner for the family. She was happy Jane had met Maura, now Jane could watch whatever game was on and drink beer with the boys while Maura and she made dinner, a mother-daughter type of bonding she called it. Even if Maura wasn't really hers.

When she opened the front door she heard some angry voices, not yelling but talking a bit louder than normal, and pondered if she should interfere and tell them she was there or just grab the car keys from the shelf. There weren't that many times that she heard them arguing but she had learned over the years that sometimes it was ok to step in and sometimes it was best to not say anything. This seemed to be a non-interference case so she took the keys and turned around to leave the house before they noticed she was there. Just as she closed the door she heard Jane's angry voice

"What would you have me do, huh? Scream it out tonight at dinner? Oh yeah, right!"

_Ahh, young love – I remember it well_ she thought as she walked away from the screaming match heading towards the car, not even thinking about the fact that it had been Maura and Jane inside arguing. It wasn't till months she realized how very right she had been.

As she made her way throughout the store finding everything she needed for tonight's Lasagna she thought about her sons and their relationships. She wanted all of her children to be happy, find love and give her grandkids. Of course Tommy was already set with a son, TJ, and if things progressed she suspected that he and Lydia would be a happy couple, but she worried about Frankie, he never seemed to find the right woman.

Before she paid, she went through everything to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything,

"Garlic, tomato, whipped cream, got that, and yes that, salad, meat, dessert, beers for Jane and the boys, Maura's got the wine, cheese, ahh strawberries for desert to celebrate," her eyes getting misty, "my Janie is getting married."

She quickly went through the rest before paying and hurried out to the car. She made a quick dash down to the precinct intent on asking Sean to come to dinner tonight. She had it all figured out; if he was there he'd know about the marriage and he'd understand that Jane eventually needed to step down from active duty in order to become a wife and mother. Besides, she'd like if he was there, she could actually see some sort of future with him and she was tired of being alone. Just as she'd parked the car she saw him leaving in a hurry.

"Sean, Sean, wait." She half walked, half ran, to reach him before he drove away.

"Angela, what are you doing here? Aren't you free today, it's Sunday?" He caught her as she stumbled right in front of him, trying to catch her breath.

"Sunday? Oh, what are you doing here then? Would you come to family dinner tonight? You've been a couple of times already and Jane's," she stopped before getting ahead of herself, something she had worked at getting better at, "Would you? I'd liked it if you would," she smiled at him.

"Family dinner? Yeah I'd love it. You simple make the best dinner ever. I've got to go but tonight then?" He jumped into his car and smiled at her before he took off.

She walked to her car, well Maura's car really but sometimes it felt like hers.

"Oh my God… of course, Maura!"

She laughed at herself. Her morning had been real productive. When everybody was set there were only two people alone and they fit perfect together. Maura was of course already family but she could be real family, like maybe a daughter-in-law. _Maybe even a double wedding, two siblings getting married with their loved ones at the same day?_ She knew Frankie liked Maura and if she played them right she might get them to notice each other. Ok, ok, a wedding might be a bit farfetched right now but she could dream couldn't she? And Jane's wedding was bound to take a lot of planning so maybe it was good if they just started dating a bit first. But this worked out beautifully, everybody happy and finally she'd get some peace and quiet, and some grandchildren to love.

* * *

**AN:** Next – Family dinner part 1 but that won't be up until Sunday, sorry!

Please tell me what you think about this story.


	4. Preparations Part 1 (Jane)

Chapter 4 – Preparations part 1 (Jane)

**Title:** Rizzles – a 100 short ones :)

**Author:** Smilis

**Disclaimer:** No infringement intended. I own nothing I'm just borrowing the characters for my own amusement. These stories may depict two women in a sexual context and if that's not your cup of tea feel free to not read.

**Summary: **At the end of the game, decisions still needs to be made no matter how hard it may seem.

**Rating: **M

**Pairing:** It's going to be Rizzles (obviously) but it may take some time to actually get there. Keep in mind that Jane's only just told one person and Maura isn't there yet.

**AN: **A day late but hopefully this chapter, a tad bit longer than usual, will make up for that. And again, thanks for all the reviews and for the ones following my story, get new email alerts like every day. It makes me very happy and this chapter is therefore for all of you lovely readers.

Oh… I did promise that this chapter would be _Family dinner_ but I had an epiphany while trying to keep my eyes open at a seminar this weekend so that will have to keep for a chapter or two. And also, it's not realistic to think that Jane's not been with a woman since she's known forever, so there will be some flashbacks in this chapter or the next. Just keep in mind that endgame is always, always Rizzles! And, it's been a long time since I was a teenager fumbling about for the first time so forgive me if it's not perfect.

How you enjoy this…

* * *

"Three hours before dinner, just time to make it perfect" Angela made quick work of parking the car before getting all the groceries out of the Prius and skipping across the yard to the front door.

"I'm home" she yelled as she opened the door not wanting to interrupt another argument. She crossed the room and put her bags on the counter before she turned around and hugged her daughter not able to contain her happiness.

"I love you Janie"

Jane looked horrified at her mother's declaration. She was not a hugger and she had trouble expressing her feelings out in the opened. "Ma, please"

"I'm just happy Jane. Like real happy about you finally coming clean." Angela said as she began sorting out the bags.

"You don't have to shout it out tonight, maybe just a small announcement? It's not like we didn't suspect it?

Jane stared at her mother, dumbfounded beginning to work up a sweat. "Whaa? What do you mean you know? How long? When? How? What?" Jane's hands shook as she began backtracking towards the stairs.

"Oh, Janie, I've always known. You didn't hide it very well. Okay, I didn't understand Agent Dean but I guess it makes sense know. Besides, I overheard you when I grabbed the keys." She paused before she picked up again, "Frankie asked me about you when he was in high school. He was so cute."

Angela smiled fondly when she remembered Frankie asking if you always stayed with you first love, if Jane and Casey would be together forever. He liked Casey and hoped he could always play with him. _Yes Frankie_ she had answered him. They belong together. And now some odd years later it came true, of course Frankie wouldn't really play with Casey any longer but she could see a strong friendship between them.

"He asked about first loves; if you always stayed with them. I had to tell him no of course, that sometimes accidents happen, things we can't prevent. But sometimes you could, sometimes you ended up with your first love." She looked over at Maura wanting to include her in their conversation and as she continued she blinked at Maura.

"Of course he falls in love quickly but maybe a strong woman could help him settle down."

Jane was hyperventilating and felt the walls close in on her. Her entire life and for nothing.

"Why? Why didn't you tell me you knew?" she asked upset as she took a step up having reached the stairs. She looked over at Maura trying to get some strength but Maura was staring at Angela with wide eyes. She didn't wait for the answer as she turned around and dashed up the stairs.

Five minutes later she was back and the only things changed was the fact that Angela was trying to chat up a rather stunned blonde ME.

"I'm heading out. Running. Need to clear my head. Yes. Be back for dinner." She mumbled as she half ran half walked to the front door. "Maybe" she added as an afterthought.

* * *

_Ma knows. My mother knows I'm gay and she didn't flip out_. Jane sat on the porch tying her shoes. Her body was full of adrenaline and she couldn't shake the feeling that she had wasted her entire life on nothing. Keeping something inside because of her mother and she knew. _She knew!_

She took off at full speed and almost instantly her eyes began to water. Did her brother really suspect anything that early on? She continued her furious pace as she recalled her first sexual encounter. Her very first and then she knew.

* * *

_"__Frankie, what are you hiding?" Jane teased her kid brother when he made a mad run from the front door up to his room. He was just a kid and it was her job to keep him from bad things. Her mother said so and she took that very seriously, at least when it suited her and right now she was bored. She ran up after him and nailed him to the wall easily picking out what he had hid._

_"__Frankie, Frankie, a magazine?" She looked him over before she became serious and walked him towards his bed. "Why?"_

_"__The other boys at school said I had to. That I had to become a man, a real man that I had to try it so they gave me this." He looked scared that his big sister had caught him; he knew he had done something wrong he just didn't know exactly what, but he trusted her. "Jane, what is it that I have to try?"_

_If he hadn't been so serious Jane would have laughed but even if she knew what he was refereeing to she was almost just about as clueless as him. Being raised in a somewhat religious household had its downside she thought. _

_"__Nothing. Did you look? Never mind. Frankie, you're just too young for this. If ma and pa ever find out they'll kill us." She looked her brother in the eyes. "In a couple of years, you'll figure it out but it's too soon now. Okay?"_

_"__Okay" Frankie gazed at Jane clearly not understanding, "but if I don't figure it out? Can I ask you then?"_

_Jane sighed, "I know you'll regret ever asking me this but okay, yes, I'll explain it. Then, not now"_

_She grabbed the magazine intent on throwing it away but her curiosity got the better of her and she closed her own door before jumping on top of her bed and opened it. The first page was filled with a fully naked blonde and she couldn't keep her eyes away. She knew she should close it and be done with it but that blonde was beautiful and her breasts were gorgeous. The next page was a close up on the blonde's breasts and she felt a tingling feeling and not knowing where it came from she tightened her thighs feeling it both growing and disappearing. She reached up and caressed the blonde's breasts._

_"__Wow, so beautiful."_

_She took off her top and went to stand in front of the full mirror her mother had insisted every girl should have. She watched the woman's breasts again, zeroing in on her hard nipples and then she slowly touched her left nipple. The sensations were overwhelming and it pebbled instantly. The tingling feeling was back and before she thought twice about it she squeezed her nipple harder only to hear herself gasp. She put the magazine down and stared at herself in the mirror watching both her nipples harden. She carefully caressed them and as the sensation grew she tightened her hold even more. When she couldn't keep her eyes open anymore she took a breath suddenly having felt dizzy before she picked up the magazine, locked her door and went over to her bed again. _

_She turned another page and this had her gasp at its content; the same blonde spread wide open on a table and she just had to touch. She reached up with her trembling fingers very gently caressing the blonde's center. The sensation, which she now had located, was threatening to overtake her and her hips rose up on their own accord. She was afraid to touch herself "there" but she needed something so she turned over grabbed her pillow and stuffed it between her legs to try and quell the sudden throbbing she felt. Her jeans seemed to melt perfectly into the pillow and she rolled her hips in a desperate attempt to free herself of this ache that was consuming her. She turned another paged and her eyes budged out as she looked at the same blonde sitting on a chair with a brunette on top of her licking her nipples. She could no longer control her hips and she felt as she was swimming trying to reach the surface but never finding it. Her breath was growing thin and she begged for something she didn't understand. "Please, help me."_

_She managed to turn another page and when she saw the brunette's tongue on the blonde's center she rose up fully on her arms as her hips surged down and she collapsed breathing heavy feeling as she was drowning._

_Some time later she heard the door opening downstairs and she hurried to hide the magazine and put her top back on. Later that night as she looked through it she was positive she was never going to allow a man to put "that thing" in her, not when she could have such a beautiful blond to look at._

* * *

Jane was sweating as she was nearing her apartment. That recollection along with her running had her breathing hard. I definitely need to get laid she thought as she run up the stairs and opened her door. A moment later she opened her memory box staring at the same magazine she had masturbated to for the very first time. It was a precious memory and she had been about to throw it away many times but something always stopped her. As she looked at the magazine another paper caught her attention. The letter. _Oh God, it's still here. The letter._

* * *

_"__Ma, can Sandy stay over tonight?" An almost seventeen year old Jane was happy. Her girlfriend of almost two years had said she wanted to do something special tonight and Jane was ecstatic. She wasn't exactly sure what that meant since they already had made love and she couldn't think of anything that could beat that. She had to be careful of course her parents could never find out and Casey acted as a buffer for her, not that he knew that but she couldn't begin to think about his feelings, not when her own were threatening to spill right out of her chest. _

_"__Of course sweetie but I thought you were spending the night with Casey?_

_"__No, ma, tonight's Sandy's night."_

_"__Okay that's find but remember that we won't be home until late so don't forget to eat something."_

_"__Okay ma. Thanks."_

_Later that night, after they had dinner, Sandy stood up and indicated for Jane to follow her to her room. _

_"__I wanted us to be here since I hope this leads to some special time" Sandy giggled a bit with every word. "Jane, I love you. I know everything is not perfect and we'll have a hard time but I want you to know that I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know we're young I just want you to know how I feel."_

_Jane stared openmouthed at Sandy. "I love you too, Sandy. So much"_

_Jane kissed Sandy as she caressed her backside trying to get more skin. _

_"__Jane, please," Sandy said as she backed away. "I want to, you know."_

_Jane laughed. "Of course, I want that to."_

_"__No, I mean yes but I want to touch you." Sandy took a deep breath. "Like feel you inside, be inside of you."_

_"__Oh" They hadn't done that before. "Okay"_

_Sandy stepped forward and kissed Jane hard. In no time at all they had both undressed and lay on the bed breathing hard. Jane slowly ran her tongue over Sandy's nipples, playing and nipping. She loved Sandy's breasts._

_"__I love your breasts" she squeezed out in between licks. She would be happy just licking these perfect breasts forever and as she continued to do so she let her hand creep downward until she felt a small thatch of fine hairs. Sandy was wet, really wet. So was she._

_Sandy, together, okay?"_

_She felt Sandy's fingers ease inside her folds gently caressing her sensitive skin before circling over her entrance. She couldn't help but feel a bit apprehensive but she wanted this to so she did the same, slowly circling Sandy's opening until she felt she would burst._

_"__I'm ready" she whispered to Sandy and she felt her nod against her neck._

_Together the slowly entered each other a little bit at a time. When Jane was fully inside Sandy she paused wanting her to get comfortable with the feeling of her fingers inside her. If Sandy felt anything like she did right now all she wanted to do was hump the fingers to try and get that release. But she wanted to go slow._

_"__Jane, don't move. I won't last then." Sandy piped out as she also came to a standstill with her fingers deep inside Jane._

_"__This feels amazing. I can feel you all around my fingers. Kiss me, Jane."_

_Jane shifted so she was almost fully on top of Sandy before she kissed her. She raised her knees slightly to leave better room for movement. As she did so Sandy's fingers slipped out of her as her own fingers went even deeper and she couldn't contain a load moan._

_"__Again" she breathed, "inside again". She slowly eased her fingers out of Sandy before sliding them in again in an agonizing slow pace at the same time feeling Sandy doing the same to her._

_"__Sandy I'm gonna come real soon. I'm not gonna be able to last." Jane whispered before she kissed her again and again and again._

_"__Me too Jane, me too."_

_Jane felt Sandy quickening her pace and she did the same almost instantly feeling the orgasm welling up upon her. She rolled her hips a bit to help with the pace and she felt Sandy doing the same under her._

_"__Are you ready?" Jane whispered, her hair clinging to her face as her movements were getting heavier and she was on the brink._

_"__Yes" Sandy whispered back. "Thumbs okay? Together?"_

_"__Okay" Jane breathed out as she moved her thumb over to Sandy's clit and gently massaged it while easing her finger in and out. She rolled her hips even more as she felt Sandy's thumb on her and a second later when she heard Sandy voice her name and felt her squeezing her fingers she spiraled into her own orgasm feeling more complete that ever before. _

_A few minutes later when they had calmed down Sandy uttered the words that eventually lead to a letter._

_"__I want you to tell your parents."_

* * *

Jane was crying as she looked at the letter. Why hadn't she been able to stand up and tell her parents who she was? She was a coward. She was a coward then and she was a coward now. And no matter how much her mother knew, it was still too late, Sandy was still dead. Even now, years later she still felt responsible for her death.

* * *

**AN:** Thanks for reading. Hope it was to your satisfaction.

Tomorrow – Let's have a look at how the preparations for family dinner go at Maura's. Will Maura find out in time to stop Jane from making the announcement?


	5. Preparations part 2 (Maura's house)

**Author:** Smilis

**Disclaimer:** No infringement intended. I own nothing I'm just borrowing the characters for my own amusement. These stories may depict two women in a sexual context and if that's not your cup of tea feel free to not read.

**Summary:** Jane finally admits the truth about herself to Maura – what happens then?

**Rating: **M

**AN: **Really really late with this update but I spent most of my week in mourning due to a funeral this wednesday. But, I'm hoping I'm all cried out now and up for updating every day again. My workload is also a bit easier this week so I'll try to catch up a bit since I'm like 10 chapter or so behind.

Anyway, hope you enjoy this and please review saying it sucked or that you liked it. Thanks.

A big thank you to those who have PM'd and reviewed before. Love you!

* * *

**Chapter 5 – Preparations part 2 (Maura's house)**

"Looks like it's just you and me now", Angela smiled at Maura, "as it should be when it comes to family dinner." Angela loved these special times she had with Maura, not just because it gave her a perfect opportunity to question her about Jane but because she genuinely loved Maura as her own daughter.

Maura stared at the door where Jane had disappeared out and felt her heart ache for her friend. She turned towards Angela and watched her as she first poured them both a glass of red before starting dinner. She enjoyed spending time with Angela even if she sometimes had a habit of questioning her about Jane but right now she felt trapped and felt the urge to flee even as she smiled back at Angela and grabbed her glass.

"Could you spend your life with a detective Maura? With the uncertainty of not knowing? Long nights?"

Maura gasped. Was Angela asking her if she could spend her life with Jane? She sipped her wine as she thought about it. They did have a relationship in all aspects of the word except physically. It wouldn't be that much of a leap to cross but Jane was straight; at least she had thought so. How on earth had Angela known?

"I'm an ME, Angela, chances are I'll get called to the same crime scenes and I do know something about living with a detective. Jane spends more time here with me than she does at home," she took another sip, "Jo already has her basket here and she doesn't think twice about sleeping on the bed so I'd say I'm already living with a detective."

"Good, good." Angela was a bit giddy. The more she thought about it the more she knew that Maura and Frankie would be perfect for each other.

"You'd be perfect for each other. You're already family Maura but I'd love to have you as a daughter-in-law." She picked up her own glass and took a small sip of her wine before she continued slicing the onions she had grabbed.

"Daughter-in-law?" Maura managed to keep her wine from spilling but her head was suddenly filled with images of weddings. She shook her, she had entertained a thought or two about Jane during the years but she never thought it would actually happen and now Angela was talking about the two of them getting married. This was too much too soon. And neither of them was out yet.

"I know it's too soon but I'm just so happy. Finally everything is coming together. And I just know you'd be great with each other."

Maura felt dizzy, something she normally didn't. She always had an answer to every question but now she felt dizzy. Everything had happened so fast and yet nothing had happened. _And how did Angela know?_

"How did you know?"

"Know what? Oh, you mean Jane? It all started when we came home late one night. Jane had her best friend Sandy over and we overheard an argument between them." Angela put the final touch to the lasagna before she put it in the oven and set the timer. All she had left to do was salad, set the plates and arrange the seating, after all this was a special occasion.

"Sandy?" Jane had never told her anything about a Sandy, lots of things about her youth but never about a Sandy.

"Yes. Her best friend. Sad thing really. Frank and I came home early one night and caught them arguing over Casey. I thought it was just the normal teenage quarrel about who gets the boy but apparently it went deeper than that.

* * *

_"__Jane, it's not going to get easier. I don't want you to hide this any longer. Casey is all over you at school. How do you think that makes me feel? And then your parents?" Sandy was getting louder and louder trying to get her point across. _

_Their evening had started out so sweet with dinner and lovemaking and now it had turned into a full blown argument. _

_"__I can't tell them, not yet. You know that. I just can't. I'm sorry. I want to, I really do but I'm scared. Your parents are liberal; they love you just the same but mine? They're Catholics. Catholics Sandy! They'll send me to church. And I know I should have told Casey off but how without telling him the truth? And ma really likes Casey."_

_"__Well then maybe you should be with Casey then," Sandy gathered her things, "you know then you don't have to hide it all. Easy, right?"_

_"__Sandy wait, I'll talk to them, I will, soon just give me some time. Telling them will be like saying I'm dropping school and immigrating to, I don't know, India? Jane smiled at Sandy to lighten the mood. _

_"__Please, I'll really think about it but I need some more time. We've kept it quiet for so long now and it's not like its showing."_

_Sandy dropped her things and sighed. "Jane, we've known each other four years. You know everything about my family and me. My parents love you. Is it really too much to ask that you at least talk to Casey. We can't keep coming back to him every time we argue. Please talk to him, tell him the truth. And talk to your parents. I want you to talk to them, tell them the truth." _

* * *

"Three weeks later Sandy was found dead in her room having committed suicide. Had I known when I went to get the mail that day that she had done that, I never would have given Jane that letter. I still don't know what it said but it took a long time for Jane to get over Sandy's death."

Angela had tears in her eyes. It was a long time ago since she thought about those tragic events but it felt good to talk about it. She had never mentioned the full story to Frank and despite it being years ago she still felt sad when she thought about it. Jane really had gone through too much in her life.

Maura slowly sat down and sipped her wine. She wanted to know what had happened and she knew Jane would never tell her but asking Angela about it was betraying her trust. _Oh Jane, Sandy was your first, wasn't she?_

"What happened, Angela? I need to know, please."

Angela put her hand over Maura's and sat down all her energy suddenly leaving her. Maybe it was time to tell someone else, to ease the burden she still felt when she thought about those times.

"After Sandy's death Jane spent a lot of time away from home. I tried to help her but she refused to even talk to me. Three months later, Jane came home drunk one night and when I yelled at her she simply said she'd had an abortion made and could I please shut up because her head hurt."

* * *

_Jane was on a roll. Nothing could take away the pain, except a bottle of beer or five. And good old Casey was always there to help her home. She had to give him credit; he had been patient with her, understanding that she was mourning her best friend. She wanted to scream at him that Sandy was so much more but what was the point anyway. And he bought her beers and there really was only one way to thank him. So over the course of the three months she had slept with him on a numerous occasions. It hurt every time but that hurt helped ease the ache she felt. He got what he wanted and she got what she wanted._

_She hadn't thought about protection, she didn't need that with Sandy so it came as a surprise when the school nurse told her she was pregnant after her fainting spell in English class. _

_"__Pregnant? I can't be pregnant? I've only slept with S…" Jane stopped abruptly and turned around to leave not bothering to check if the nurse was finished with her or not. She ran outside, out from the school grounds and continued on until she saw the cemetery. She hadn't been back since after the funeral feeling like she didn't have that right but now she entered and in a mad dash made her way over to Sandy's final resting place. She stared at the stone before she sat down next to it. She couldn't keep her tears at bay and they slowly made their way down her cheeks. _

_"__I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She rocked back and forth trying to console herself but the more she rocked the louder her sobs were. _

_"__I didn't mean it, Sandy. I'll tell my parents just please come back. I'll tell everybody. Come back." She leaned back at the headstone trying to catch her breath. _

_"__I slept with Casey," she put her hand on the ground grasping the small stones and dirt she found making her hand almost hurt," I didn't mean to I just needed to not feel anymore." Her sobs lessened but the tears were still trekking down her checks. _

_"__He got me beer. I didn't think twice about drinking it and then he said he could get me more if I needed, and I did, I do. It doesn't hurt when I drink. You left me Sandy. You left me and I'm drinking and sleeping with Casey just to try and get by every day." Her hands rasped harder in the dirt beneath her. _

_"__He didn't force me or anything, just hinted, you know like telling me he got beer for me and what did I do for him? But he was kind and patient. She continued to dig deeper into the ground with her bare hands. _

_"__But it hurt Sandy. So much. I never wanted to do it again but then he got more beer and I thought what the heck, it doesn't mean anything." She looked up to make sure she was still alone. "I'm pregnant Sandy." She let out a sound, half laughing, half sobbing. _

_"__My parents… I couldn't tell them I'm gay. How am I gonna tell them I'm pregnant and that I won't keep it? What is worse? Gay or pregnant? Pregnant or gay? I'm such a screw up."_

_Some time later she stood up and dried her hands on her trousers. "I'll get better Sandy. No more drinking and no more Casey. And I'll tell them," she stood watching the headstone silently, "even if it's too late now."_

* * *

"When I asked about the pregnancy she told me she'd found a local doctor who made it happened with no questions asked and then she told me that she'd been drinking a lot but that this was it. It was time to move on." Angela was emotional tired and in just over an hour the family would show up.

"I thought for sure that was it between Casey and her but six months later they became official and late one night when they thought we were sleeping I overheard Casey telling Jane that he was gonna marry her one day and that if she wanted, they could even name one of their kids Sandy. I didn't hear Jane's reply just her crying." She stood up and made her way to the cupboards to get the plates down. "And that's when I knew that love conquers everything and that Casey really was Jane's soul mate."

Maura stared in disbelief at Angela, she too had tears running down her face but all she thought about was Jane.

"Casey? Soul mate?"

"Yes of course. I've told him to propose tonight at family dinner so we all can congratulate them after. Strawberries and champagne for dessert. I even invited Sean so he can start plan for her to be on maternity leave soon." Angela grabbed the plates and started to set the table not noticing Maura's horrified look.

"And once you and Frankie get know each other a little bit better the entire family is set. You and Frankie will be a perfect match. Here…", she gave Maura the final plates as she started to write names on small papers, "we'll have seating arrangements tonight so Casey and Jane are in the center and you and Frankie next to each other.

Maura didn't have time to object because the door suddenly opened and Frankie, Tommy and Jane entered with two cases of beer between them.

"Ma, Jane told me so we brought beer. It's gonna be needed right?

* * *

**AN:** So what did you think? Up next got to be the conversation during dinner and maybe a proposal or a coming out scene. Haven't really made up my mind yet.


	6. Before the aftermath

**Author:** Smilis

**Disclaimer:** No infringement intended. I own nothing I'm just borrowing the characters for my own amusement. These stories may depict two women in a sexual context and if that's not your cup of tea feel free to not read.

**Summary:** Jane finally admits the truth about herself to Maura – what happens then?

**Rating: **M

**Pairing:** it's going to be Rizzles (obviously) but it may take some time to actually get there. Keep in mind that it's only been one day and the chapters are short.

**AN: **This is like the shortest chapter ever made but it had to be done before tonight's "dinner talk". So just sort of a filler.

As a note to one of the guest reviewers about Jane's behavior. I think she hasn't really behaved either way in the present time. Maybe her behavior was lacking when she was a teenager but right now she's struggling with the fact that she's kept this secret for nothing, at least she thinks so.

Thanks heaps for the reviews. It really boosts my ego and I'm thinking gotta update, gotta update.

* * *

**Chapter 6 – Before the aftermath**

Maura watched Jane and the boys carry the beer to the counter and wondered exactly what Jane had told her brothers, they didn't seem all that fazed about her revelation if it was indeed that she had told them. Then again why should they be, it wasn't the fifties, these were modern times and no one really cared all that much any longer about sexual orientation. _Except for Jane apparently_. She couldn't help but feel sorry for her after hearing Angela talk about her youth. A failed relationship, a suicide, a pregnancy and Casey. He probably wasn't so innocent in all this, most likely he knew more than he lead on and he used Jane for his own good. She took a couple of steps towards Jane thinking she needed to prepare her about the fact that Angela didn't know so she wouldn't blurt it out over dinner but then she thought about it. _Jane did think her mother knew so her coming out was stress-free at the moment. Would Jane forgive her for not telling her? And she had probably told her brothers before coming, at least it looked that way._

"Ma, I don't feel all that comfortable telling everybody at dinner but I told Frankie and Tommy and Maura already knows." She beamed at Maura before she sighed and focused back on Angela.

"Why didn't you tell me you knew? I've spent twenty years trying to come up with exactly how I was gonna tell you and you tell me you already know? I've wasted so much of my life trying to fit in and not do what I really want." She took a mouthful of beer and sat back watching her mother chop salad thinking about what to say.

"I'm so happy that you know." She jumped off the stool and hugged Angela tight. "Thank you for loving me the way I am."

The door suddenly rang and Maura leapt to her feet to get the door anxious to get away from the tension that was building. When she opened the door and saw a grinning Casey outside she stepped out to talk to him.

"Maura…" he began but was cut off.

"Look Casey, I'm sure you're a nice guy and want what best for Jane, right?" She didn't give him time to answer before she stepped even closer to him trying to intimidate him. "Don't propose. You know Jane doesn't want you so don't trap her." He stepped back, trying to get away from her but she followed. "Besides", she gambled, "she already told her mother the truth."

"What? You want her for yourself?" Casey smirked but before he could continue the door opened and Frankie ushered them inside.

"The game is on in about three minutes so get inside. Dinner's not for another thirty minutes so game's on 'til then."

Jane was still hugging her mother when Maura found herself back at the counter with them. She was at a loss, she didn't really trust Casey and it was apparent that he had every intention of proposing but what more could she do? Time was running out.

As Jane sat down again and took another taste of her beer she knew what she had to do. Cavanaugh hadn't arrived yet, everybody except Angela knew, _but Jane thought she knew, that was important_, and she counted on the fact that Jane had told Frankie and Tommy, so there really was only one thing to do. She stood from her chair and leaned gently towards Jane gauging her reaction. Before she could move though Jane stopped her and leaned in to whisper in her ear.

"I know, Maura, I do, but I'll do it anyway. At dinner, tonight with everybody." She leaned even closer. "And then I might just have to camp here for the next fortnight in order to get Casey to cool down." She grinned as she said the last bit but her eyes were sad. "I've wasted enough time already."

* * *

**AN:** As I said, a short one but tonight it's revelation time...


	7. Sry

Sorry to disappoint but this is not an update.

I just want to say how sorry I am for not updating but just after my last update I was in an accident and while I'll be alright I still have both my hands in cast and have a real hard time typing.

Good thing though, I have the entire story wrapped up in my head so when I'll be able to write again without pain I'll be back.

/S


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